Time for Guys to Grow a Set

I was recently in a restaurant I frequent, and I witnessed something I’ve never seen before. Something intriguing, infuriating and even telling of our culture.

It was apparent that it was a gentleman’s first day at his new employer. A little shorter than me, but built a bit stocky; he could obviously handle himself, at least in terms of build. I’m not sure of his exact age, but he had some obvious scruff in regards to facial hair that far outdistanced anything I could attempt, though that’s not saying much.

And then I saw it – the tell-tale microcosm of what has become of our American culture. The mark of the beast, if you will.

This man had been escorted by his mother.

Let me repeat that.

This guy was walked into his first day of work by his mommy, and this man had no visible appearance of contempt. He really should have had an expression like so.

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

Instead, he and his maternal acted like this was all normal. Nevermind that they forgot to cut the cord say, 18-20 years ago. Though I couldn’t see it, I’m pretty sure the umbilical cord had metamorphosed into a transmission over UHF frequencies.

And this is a prime example of one of the biggest reasons America (Or ‘Muricuh) is in so much trouble. We guys have lost our balls.

Whether it’s an overprotective mother, overbearing girlfriend or nagging wife, the culture of hyper-feminism has conditioned men to simply fold to those decrees.

I’m brought back to an episode of Dirty Jobs, during which Mike Rowe is docking, or castrating, sheep by making an incision in the scrotum and pulling out the testicles with his teeth.

Yeah, they went there.

The reason they did this was because it is the quickest, most humane way to castrate sheep, as opposed to the method PETA recommends, which involves an ever-tightening rubber band that eventually cuts off the circulation, killing the sheep’s nuts and causing them to fall off.

The result in the version involving the teeth is that the sheep pout for a few minutes, but they are just as quickly back in the flock. The rubber band method sees sheep mope in a corner for up to two weeks as they slowly realize that their manhood is being taken away, and there is nothing they can do about it.

The latter is what is going on today, and it’s all a case study in environmental behavioral conditioning.

It’s just the latest in a string of players wearing heart guards while playing baseball, basketball helmets, police shutting down lemonade stands and guys having to fill out an application to date a girl (if that last one doesn’t scream 1984, I don’t know what does). We might as well be fitting all males with this.

Yeah, I went there.

Without citing specific Biblical references (which I could and probably should, but muscle relaxers for back spasms are more conducive to rants than concordance searches), there was a time not long ago when it was expected for men to act like men. It may have been perverted previously with ideals of promiscuity, gratuitous violence and greed, but the idea of being a man was concrete depending on what the culture was.

Manliness has at least involved some degree of defense of the family and beliefs with a strong moral character. That goes without exuding more Christian characteristics such as grace, justice, humility and generosity.

Nowadays, it’s just fine for men into their late 20s and 30s to live like frat boys, going through life with no apparent purpose, but at least their portfolio is healthy (and their girlfriend’s career is taking off nicely).

Obviously, a career does not make a man (or a woman), but hyper-tolerance in the culture has made us dudes soft. The squishiness of our convictions makes us unwilling to discuss much of anything beyond whether Lebron James is or isn’t a douche.

For the record, he still is.

All this to say, we men need to collectively grow a pair.

And to you females, if you’re close to a dude, and his maturity nuts haven’t dropped yet, don’t try to nag it out of him. Not only will it not work, but you’ll end up with them, and that’s just gross.

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One thought on “Time for Guys to Grow a Set

  1. I’ve got to agree with your post. It’s become somewhat socially unacceptable to promote traditional “manly,” values. I think some strains of feminism throw the baby out with the bath water if you will. Of course, as you said, manly values have been perverted in the past, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with men having convictions and sticking to them. In fact, I think we need that.

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