Why New Year’s Resolutions are stupid

This being the last day of 2013, practically everyone on Facebook and the world at large is saying something about how they’ll change X, Y and Z in 2014.

Stop.

If you wait until a certain day, nothing will legitimately change. Go ahead and start today, not tomorrow. You’re not promised tomorrow, so don’t keel over tonight not having made the changes you should have made now.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” – Ephesians 5:15-17

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” – Proverbs 27:1

You’re welcome.

Easter is why Christmas is a big deal

Yes, Christmas is the time that we celebrate the birth of Jesus, but let’s not forget that the overall purpose is much bigger than just a baby, whose name is invoked in anger too often, was spewed forth into the world while surrounded by farm animals.

He probably wasn’t glowing though.

It was simply the beginning of, as many put it, the greatest story ever told. That baby, being God incarnate, would go on to live a perfect life and put legalistic douchebags in their place.

He would then be murdered in one of the cruelest forms of execution ever devised in the form of crucifixion.

Then he kicked death in the teeth and told Satan where to stick it, proving his power and completing the atonement for how much crap we screw up constantly. That made it possible for God the Father to deem us as not screw ups, because he sees us with Jesus as a covering.

And that’s how we Christians are able to look ourselves in the mirror every day.

Remember, Easter is why Christmas is a big deal.

Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson’s quote on black people being taken wildly out of context

My goodness. Phil Robertson can’t win for losing with the left. This time, the NAACP is taking a dump on him for his comments in the same GQ article for his comments on black people.

But here’s the problem – he didn’t say anything that should have caused any kind of anger. At all. Here’s the quote on his upbringing in the Jim Crow South.

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field…. They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!… Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

That may be where he got this phrase.

So the Human Rights Campaign and NAACP wrote a joint letter to A&E. Here’s some of that nonsense.

“We want to be clear why Phil Robertson’s remarks are not just dangerous but also inaccurate. Mr. Robertson claims that, from what he saw, African Americans were happier under Jim Crow. What he didn’t see were lynching and beatings of black men and women for attempting to vote or simply walking down the street.”

The true idiocy of that statement is that it really just parrots what the Duck Commander said. All he said was that where he was, he didn’t see it. Maybe they didn’t have a lot of racial strife in rural Louisiana like other places had.

Who are these people to say that the black people Robertson knew weren’t happy in the first place? They didn’t meet them.

Also, Robertson qualifies his statements that black people these days, on the whole, with a huge portion on welfare and entitlements, aren’t all that happy. Many of them are crammed in government housing, which is essentially a new Jim Crow that keeps them dependent on the dole. That’s just factual.

Finally, the biggest qualifier Robertson notes before he says they were happy is that they were godly. That sounds kind of familiar.

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:10-13

Ol’ Phil understands that Jesus is far more freeing than anything the government can do, even though the government was right to strike down Jim Crow laws (though Affirmative Action is just as much BS).

But for people who worship the state and believe all their rights come from such, they’re never going to understand this notion, and they’re always going to flip their shit over anyone who says that black people were anything but miserable in the South pre-civil rights movement.

They’ve obviously never been to a Third World country, where people have nothing and are ecstatic to give whatever they have to a guest.

Douchebags.

Okay, Christians, let’s not drop the ball on the Phil Robertson thing

Dear Christians, Phil Robertson, GQ and A&E have given us the gift of a giant platform to tell people about Jesus. Let’s not screw it up.

Seriously.

Let’s not let the fact that we theological conservatives are, in fact, biblically accurate in saying homosexuality is wrong get in the fact that God is both love and just.

Let’s not turn people off by the fact that we’re correct by being assholes in our delivery. If they must be turned off by the Gospel, let it be because they can’t let go of their idols called Self and Sex.

Let’s not create more enemies than we must. Sometimes people will just become our enemies because the Gospel is an offensive message. Let’s treat them with the love Jesus commands.

Let’s also not pull any punches. Sin is sin. All of it. People should repent. All of them. Jesus had to die for the crap we do every day.

Most importantly, let’s stay true to all of the aspects of God. He’s not just love. He’s holy. He’s also wrathful against sin, but he’s so loving that he provided a way for us to not be stuck in it.

Seriously.

So remember, in your myriad Facebook discussions, don’t be pretentious, religious prick, as Paul warned in the second half of Romans 2. We’ll all thank you for it later.

Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson only said what the rest of us were thinking

Honestly, Duck Commander/Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson didn’t break any new ground in his “gay bashing” comments that got him suspended from the show indefinitely by A&E.

This was probably his reaction.

But his comments to GQ weren’t really that harsh. They were just truth. He even clarified that he loves everyone.

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job,” he told the magazine. “We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus — whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

Here’s what Robertson said that pissed off everyone, including his paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there — bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”

“Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

“It seems to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking, ‘There’s more there! She’s got more to offer.’ I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

And he has a point. That’s where poop comes from, and poop is gross. For real, that junk is nasty, and it’s okay to say that, and it’s just factual. The biological function of the anus isn’t sex. It’s poop. It also just happens that I find other dudes’ junk gross as well.

But GLAAD spokesman Wilson Cruz had to go and try to tell Christians what they believe.

“Phil and his family claim to be Christian, but Phil’s lies about an entire community fly in the face of what true Christians believe. He clearly knows nothing about gay people or the majority of Louisianans — and Americans — who support legal recognition for loving and committed gay and lesbian couples. Phil’s decision to push vile and extreme stereotypes is a stain on A&E and his sponsors who now need to reexamine their ties to someone with such public disdain for LGBT people and families.”

This was probably his reaction.

It just happens that Cruz has probably never read the Bible (here are some verses on the subject at hand, minus two that are in there for no good reason). It also happens that he doesn’t know science, which is clear that there is no gay gene (though they try to weasel their way into saying it’s epi-genetic, which still doesn’t make any sense in their Dawinian system).

So, in the name of their god called “Tolerance,” people are once again being, shockingly, intolerant. True tolerance be damned. If you don’t agree with them and affirm what they believe, then you’re not tolerant.

And this is the basis of what for now is verbal persecution, which we’re promised numerous times in the Bible. People love their sin (you know, that whole total depravity thing), and they’re not fond of the truth.

Until then, Phil will count it as happy, happy, happy.

This IS his happy face.

 

How American dating is broken, and what Christians can do to fix it

Hookup culture is straight up breaking people, so says this study. People are sick of it, but it’s the status quo, so they just kind of roll with it.

It just happens that they “roll with it” in the hay.

In fact, in an over sexualized society, those of the “hookup era” are actually having less sex than their predecessors. At the same time, people are waiting longer to get married, largely because they want to “live a little” before they get “tied down.”

This is garbage.

And Christians can fix the whole dating/hookup scene.

By kissing dating good… That didn’t work either.

First off, Christians have to stop playing their own hookup games. Whether its actual sex or “just making out,” we have to set the example. No hookups. Ever.

That leads to the fact that Christians must be transparent in their intentions. If I hear one more person tell me about how they’re “just talking” to someone they’re clearly into, I may punch that person in the face (Online daters, you have an exception clause here. You kind of have to make sure they’re not a creeper.). Especially to the dudes, be upfront about things (And never ask anyone out via a text based method. EVER.).

Dating should also be to see if someone is an adequate candidate for marriage. If you’re not ready to find out who you’re going to marry, you shouldn’t date. You’ll only screw over yourself and the other person emotionally.

I’ll also take this opportunity to tell anyone that thinks that “dating” is bad and that it should always be courting to shut up. They’re the same thing, but the uptight Christians feel better about the medieval term so they can make sure their kids aren’t making babies yet.

Here’s probably the biggest thing for Christians in attempting to abolish the hookup game and rectify the dating scene. Don’t date a nonbeliever. Ever. Missionary dating is a surefire way to break a heart, turn someone off to the Gospel and/or compromise your own standards and morals. I’ve literally never seen it work out in the long run.

And one more thing needs to be addressed here. If your significant other is dragging you into sin, particularly of a sexual nature, here are your options.

1) Repent, which should happen anyway. This actually isn’t an option. You may be able to henceforth restrain yourselves, but if you can’t…

Then it may be time for a chastity belt.

That should lead to one of the next two.

2) Get married. “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). This may mean you get married earlier than you intended, or it may even look weird to your friends and family, but it’ll at least help you dig out of a whole bunch of crap you shouldn’t be doing.

3) Dump him/her immediately. Cut and run. Seriously. “And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:29). It’s also better to go to heaven single and without a girlfriend than to go to hell with one. She may be hot, but so is hell.

That’s not specifically to scare you, but it’s to illustrate that this, as is every aspect of the Christian’s life, is to be taken seriously. If this area, which is a pretty large part of life, doesn’t look any different in our lives from everybody else’s, then the rest of our lives probably don’t look much different either.

Which is why it’s up to us to fix the dating culture.

Dear Megyn Kelly, Jesus wasn’t white

You know by now how I feel about Santa Claus (if you don’t, here’s the link), but here’s a big ol’ laugher for you. Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly said Jesus was a white guy.

In response to an equality retarded article saying Santa shouldn’t be depicted as a white guy anymore, Kelly stated that the historical Saint Nicholas was a white guy (true) but also that Jesus was white (not true). Here’s the video to prove it.

“Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change, you know?” Kelly said. “I mean, Jesus was a white man too. He was a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa — I just want the kids watching to know that.”

No, Megyn, Jesus wasn’t white. He didn’t look like this.

That perm is just wrong.

In the spirit of racial equality, Jesus also didn’t look like this.

Those dreads are just wrong.

Let’s be honest. Jesus, while on the earth, was a Jew, so he probably looked a hell of a lot more like this guy than anything.

Minus the camo. Jesus didn’t play hide-and-seek.

Just so we’re clear.