Everyone’s freaking out over the wrong thing in the Noah movie

The new Noah movie is catching a lot of crap for apparently being environmentalist and whatnot. I don’t see what the big deal is. We’re talking about Hollywood.

They obviously have no standards.

What I find more egregious is what Noah, played by Russell Crowe, says the purpose of the ark is. You probably missed it in the trailer.

Apparently the ark was built to protect the innocent. That’s nonsense.

Out of however many people who lived at that time, Noah wasn’t the only guy who was innocent. In fact, no one was and no one is.

A lot of translations (including my beloved ESV) of the Bible translate Genesis 6:8 as Noah finding “favor” in God’s eyes, but it’s really more accurately translated as “grace.” Noah wasn’t such a great guy that God decided to spare him; Noah was just as stained by sin as everyone else and chosen by God in a miraculous show of grace.

No one in the world was or is innocent. We’re all completely jacked up on our own accord and preference. We need grace, which is a gift and earned by no means. Anything else is damnable religiosity.

That is what the Noah movie is about, and that is why Christians should be pissed off about it.

Here’s all that needs to be said about Arizona’s religious freedom bill

Here’s all I need to say about the bill in Arizona.

If you own a vegan restaurant, I won’t force you to serve bacon.

Bacon isn’t a universal human right, yet.

If I don’t agree with the morality of holding a gay marriage on my property or otherwise endorsing one, I have every right to refuse that.

And you have no right to run me out of business for refusing, like what happened in New Mexico when a gay couple was refused a cake. Just go somewhere else instead of forcing what you believe down their throats (That sounds like the left’s own argument. Hypocrisy, anyone?).

The discussion should end there.

Steven Furtick confuses the crap out of me

This isn’t your typical blog that rags on a megachurch pastor.

Still, Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte has been making waves in the press for all the wrong reasons. Again.

Oops.
This time, reports have surfaced that he plants people to move for their “spontaneous” baptism services in order to grow their numbers. I don’t think it’s too bold to say that this is entirely jacked up.

Of course, anyone among the ranks of Craig Groeschel, Mark Driscoll, John Piper, Rick Warren, Perry Noble, et cetera, is going to face severe criticism for pretty much anything they say or do (Note: I’m not comparing them theologically. They just all pastor huge churches.).

But then I was introduced to this.

Wat.

I have nothing against pastors having a vision (as long as it doesn’t get in the way of this Jesus guy), but to say a church is united under the pastor’s vision is theological nonsense. The church is to be united under Jesus’ vision for the church. You know, since the church is his bride and such. It might be a good idea to do what he says.

And seriously? Coloring pages promoting you and not promoting Jesus? That’s 1) creepy, 2) really creepy and 3) very well could be bordering on cult-like behavior.

I really, really want to defend Furtick here. If people legitimately love Jesus at his church, then that’s awesome, but ol’ dude needs to get his ish together and quit doing stupid stuff. We can only hope and pray that he doesn’t go full theological retard and turn into a feel good Joel Osteen type and that it wasn’t about him all along.

But even if turns out that Furtick was only out for Furtick all along, that doesn’t negate that God may have used his potentially evil intentions to bring about something infinitely better than what some jacked up human could dream of.

Remember that.

Greenville’s texting while driving ban is stupid

I know I’m in the minority with this, but Greenville’s just-passed texting while driving ban isn’t going to make anything better.

The CDC reports that 25 percent of all auto accidents involve a cell phone, while 69 percent of drivers will admit to talking on the phone while driving and 31 percent will admit to texting or emailing (Amateurs. I’ve checked Facebook.).

There’s no one around on a straight, one-way road. I see nothing wrong here.

Obviously, not all of those people are involved in wrecks. Additionally, South Carolina’s traffic death rate is actually on the decline, so nobody can say that things have gotten X amount of worse.

But enough of that. Let’s get to why this is stupid.

First off, we’re supposedly in the most conservative part of the most conservative state in Merica. But they just voted to expand government. Is this not hypocritical? They’re regulating behavior, which is the ultimate argument that many made against Obamacare. Hmm.

But this is still cool.

Additionally, a Greenville police officer can now simply say that someone was using a phone as an excuse to pull them over. Of course, it’ll result in a fine, even if the accused – who is supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, mind you – denies it. They could be looking at a reminder written on their hand or at their watch or any number of things.

Not only did they just make the cops’ jobs harder, they just blew up the Fourth Amendment even more. If all it takes is suspicion to go through your phone, then that puts GPD on par with the NSA and TSA for invading our privacy even more.

It also screws over my First Amendment right to record a police officer with my phone during a traffic stop. My phone also serves as a video recording device, but that will be lost if it’s subject to automatic inspection, which means less accountability for the police. And don’t think we’re not immune to that in South Carolina.

Also, has anyone considered that reporting someone else for distracted driving will be breaking the letter of the law? That would mean you would have to be using a phone and driving. Oops.

Has anyone also also considered how many people use their phones for GPS navigation? This ordinance, as it stands, would require people to spend money on a mount in order to use that function. Way to look out for the little guy.

The biggest issue is that this attempts to solve a symptom and not the problem itself. People are still going to text and drive, but they’ll just hide it more, which will actually make driving more dangerous.

But people aren’t going to listen to logic. They’ll instead listen to all the overly dramatic TV commercials showing teenagers dying. It’s not enough to punish something wrong that actually happens anymore; we’ve resorted to trying to preempt something isn’t even that much of a problem.

This chick is obviously going too fast for a two-lane road. Look at the speedometer.

Honestly, I just want the government to remove itself from my life as much as possible. This isn’t helping, nor will it solve any existing issues. It’ll only end up leading to idiocy like this, where the sender of a text can held responsible.

And if you don’t believe that, just look at Prohibition. That worked really well.

Immigration doesn’t have a binary solution

The illegal immigration has pretty much gone like this.

“MAKE EVERYONE WHO HOPPED THE BORDER A CITIZEN.”

“NO. DEPORT EVERYONE.”

Honestly, the Democrats really just want to do this because they know the majority of the 11 million illegals in the country would vote for them.

But, also honestly, the Republicans (intelligently, for once) recognize that illegal immigrants are illegal for a reason. If someone hops the fence to my yard, starts eating my food and using my toilet, that doesn’t give him a right to be in my family. I’d actually call the cops and have him removed. That is, if I didn’t shoot him first.

What if, however, he was there for a while because I was too big of a puss to say anything? What if I said that he couldn’t be in my family but that he could pay rent and stay as long as he wanted?

Doesn’t this sound more reasonable? Deporting 11 million people would cost more than the problem already costs us, but making them citizens just rewards bad behavior. Make no mistake, hopping the border illegally is… well… illegal. That means they broke a law.

I propose we instead set up a permanent alien resident program specifically for illegal immigrants. It would strip them of any chance to become a United States citizen as punishment, but it would set them up to pay taxes (like I do) and actually be documented. There’s no reason people who are trespassing in our country should get a better deal than the people already living in said country.

We also need to close the border and overhaul the expensive, tedious, bureaucratic process that immigration is now.

Then we can tell the Mexicans to get off our lawn and not feel bad about it.

What I wish Ken Ham (and a lot of other Christians) would stop saying

I’m listening to Ken Ham and Bill Nye debate creationism and evolution right now. They’re being nice enough while they respectfully fling turds at each other.

“CEO” doesn’t sound as cool as “The Science Guy.”

They’re both missing the point, but I’ll get to that later.

But here’s what I’m sick of Ham and Christians saying.

Animals were vegetarians and no animals died before the Fall.

Welp.

Here’s the thing: There’s no biblical evidence either way. At all. We don’t have any evidence that the fishies didn’t go belly up every now and then or that lions preferred carrots to more succulent morsels involving muscle tissue.

Stop it.

Also, Ham is missing the point in that he provides no flexibility in the age of the earth. I’ll claim creationism, but the universe is so enormous that I can’t claim young or old earth creationism. There are some things that we just don’t know, and I’m secure with that.

Yes, there’s some evidence for both, but can you at least stick to refuting the argument without making up things? That seems to be a lot easier to do.

Here’s the question everyone missed about the Cheerios commercial (and it’s nerdy)

If you’re not a gamer, just skip this.

Otherwise, about 0.1 percent of the general population flipped out over the Cheerios commercial that featured a biracial family. Another 30 percent flipped out at those people for being stupid.

If you haven’t seen it yet, watch it below.

Now, here’s the real question.

The mom’s a Breton.

But if you play Skyrim as a white guy, you’re a loser.

Dad is obviously a Redguard.

But no one wants to be the black guy either.

So, since the girl is a Breton and a Reguard, then what power does she get? Does she get Adrenaline Rush or Dragonskin?

These are important things, people. I want answers.